Wedding Guests: Reception Seating How-Tos

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If you're having 50 guests to a buffet, you may or may not want to give people specific seating assignments. But if you're having 100 guests or more and serving a seated meal, you'll want to make sure everyone's got a specific place to sit. Why? For one, people like to know where they're sitting -- and that you took the time to choose where and who they should sit with. It's also helpful if you're serving several different entree choices, because the caterer and wait staff can figure out beforehand how many chickens, filets, or veggie dishes a given table gets because they (you) know who's sitting there. Read on for tips on how to seat neatly.

The parent-seating question is a flexible one. Set it up in whatever way best suits everybody.


Start Early
We've been at kitchen tables the night before the wedding (or even wedding morning) with a bride and groom just starting their seating chart. Don't let this be you -- you've got more important things to think about at that point! Sure, it's fine to make last-minute changes, but try to get the chart mostly done at least a week before the big day.

Hit the Keys
Create a new spreadsheet. If you haven't already, insert a column into your guest list document categorizing all the invitees by relationship: bride's friend; bride's family; groom's friend; groom's family; bride's family friend; groom's family friend. This way, you'll be able to easily sort the list and break it down into more logical table assortments. Now you'll need to separate these lists into distinct tables.

Create a Paper Trail
If you're feeling more low-tech, draw circles (for tables) on a big sheet of paper and write names inside them (make sure you know how many people can comfortably be seated at each). Or you could write every guest's name on a post-it to place accordingly.


Head Up the Head Table
A traditional head table is not round, but long and straight, and it is generally set up along a wall, on risers, facing all the other reception tables. It may even have two tiers if your wedding party is large. Usually the bride and groom sit smack-dab in the middle (where everyone can see them), with the maid of honor next to the groom, the best man next to the bride, and then boy/girl out from there. Flower girls or ring bearers usually sit at the tables where their parents are seating, much to the relief of the bridesmaids and groomsmen. Decide to seat this way, or plan a sweetheart table for a little one-on-one time.

Switch Things Up
But you don't have to do it that way. All the maids can sit on the bride's side, all the groomsmen on the groom's. Or maybe you're not into being on display, or you don't want your wedding party to feel isolated from other guests. Let your wedding party sit at a round reception table or two with each other and/or with their dates/significant others, and have the head table be a sweetheart table for the two of you. (How romantic!) Another option -- you two sit with your parents and let that be the head table, with the wedding party at their own tables.


Place Your Parents
Traditionally, your parents and your sweetie's parents sit at the same table, along with grandparents, siblings not in the wedding party, and the officiant and his/her spouse if they attend the reception. But if your or your honey's parents are divorced, and are uncomfortable about sitting next to each other, you might want to let each set of parents host their own table of close family and/or friends . This could mean up to four parents' tables, depending on your situation -- or have the divorced parent who raised you (or your honey) and his/her spouse/date sit at the table with still-married parents. (Phew, confusing!)
Remember, the parent-seating question is a flexible one. Set it up in whatever way best suits everybody. If you're unsure, don't hesitate to talk to the parents in question about it before you make your final decision.




Tame Tensions
There may also be situations in which certain family members just do not get along. Maybe they haven't spoken in years. Maybe the last time they saw each other there was a drunken catfight. Understandably, you want to keep them as far apart as possible. Think about these kinds of relationships (or lack thereof) before you even begin making your chart, so you can take them into consideration in the first place and begin by seating Aunt Hattie at table 3 and Aunt Lucy across the room at table 15. Trust us -- they'll appreciate it.


Play Matchmaker
Again, all your college or high-school friends will be psyched to sit at a table together -- and especially if you and your beloved went to the same school and have the same friends, this works out well. It also gives them all an opportunity to catch up with each other, because they may not have seen each other for a while. But again -- reception tables offer a cool opportunity to mix and match your friends and your honey's -- who knows who'll hit it off? Consider seating friends who don't know each other (yet), but who you think will get along exceptionally well, at the same table -- and the rest is history. It can't hurt!

Wedding Guests: Real Guests Tell All

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Think you're planning the perfect party? Not so fast. We know what guests really think about cash bars, waiting for the bridal party to arrive, late-night drinking, and seating arrangements. To spare your friends and family the kinds of things that make guests grit their teeth, some veteran wedding-goers graciously agreed to tell us what you need to know to make your wedding rave-worthy.

Receiving Line Traffic Jams
"I hate long receiving lines. I once went to a wedding with over 300 guests and I sat in the last row of the church. Therefore, I was also the last row to leave the church. I had to wait for more than an hour to get to the receiving line and to exit the church."
--Heidi, 25, Blacksburg, VA

"I dread those receiving lines with about ten people in them, including the entire wedding party. I suppose it's great for the very few guests who know the bride and groom's families and all of their wedding(wedding dress 2012) party pals. But most of us just want to congratulate the couple and their parents. Unfortunately, you always get stuck making chitchat with a stranger in a bridesmaid dress who doesn't particularly care who you are, either, while the people in front of you hug the bride."
--Margaret, 42, Sarasota, FL

"I don't like long pauses between the ceremony and reception, as it is terribly inconvenient for out-of-town guests."
We're Not Going to Maui Tomorrow
"My wife and I recently went to a wedding on a Sunday evening, and we had to be at work the next day. The ceremony was at 5 p.m., the reception wasn't until about 6:30, and dinner wasn't even served until 8. The meal was finished around 9:30, and most of the guests were not from the area where the wedding took place. We left before the reception was over, and still didn't make it home until midnight."
--John, 35, New York, NY

Shall We See a Movie?
"I don't like long pauses between the ceremony and reception, as it is terribly inconvenient for out-of-town guests."
--Jocelyn, 27, Austin, TX

"If your ceremony ends at 5 p.m. and the reception starts at 6 p.m., you can assume that guests will be heading for the reception hall immediately following, so maybe it's best to book the location from 5:30 on. It's so awful to feel like an eager beaver and just be waiting in the reception hall lobby until the party officially 'begins.'"
--Amy, 25, Middletown, CT

A Little Mystery Never Hurt
"One thing I didn't like was seeing the bride before the ceremony. It was totally anticlimactic when she came down the aisle."
--Sarah, 24, Brooklyn, NY

"I hate when people decorate the pews and altar in their church after guests are already seated. I have been to two weddings(pink prom dresses) where I watched the attendants or friends attach flowers and bows to the pews and set up candles at the altar while all the seated guests watched. It looked so disorganized and informal."
--Danine, 46, Miami, FL

"I hate it when the bride and her dad or the bride and groom stop halfway down the aisle for a photo op."
--Frank, 31, Ann Arbor, MI

Nowhere to Run
"I don't like it when there is no place to sit during the cocktail hour. My family tends to eat a lot of hors d'oeuvres, and they need a place to set down plates, drinks, cameras, purses and gift envelopes.
Also, I went solo to a friend's casual wedding in Atlanta, where I didn't know anyone but the groom. Since there were no table assignments, I had literally nowhere to sit. All the seats were in use or were 'reserved' with jackets and bags."
--Domenica, 27, Kinnelon, NJ


Am I a Cheap Date?
"Guests should never be expected to pay for drinks. You would never host any other private party and expect your guests to pay for their own alcohol."
--Elizabeth, 25, Frederick, MD

"I hate cash bars. It's like sending your wedding present COD."
--Susan, 28, New Fairfield, CT

"I'm sorry, but limited bars are generally a bummer. Ditto for wine drawn from a tap."
--Liza, 25, Cincinnati, OH

Bridesmaids: Setting Expectations

What Brides Can Expect From Your Maids

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There are some great perks to this often-overwhelming role. For starters, the bridesmaids will get to accompany you when you start shopping for dresses, both yours and theirs. They’ll have the opportunity to show off their party-planning skills, with both the shower and the bachelorette party. And as a last bit of fun, they may decorate the honeymoon suite with romantic candles and rose petals for the newlyweds’ arrival. On the flip side, they'll be expected to spread the news about where you're registered; help coordinate out-of-town guest activities and transportation; place welcome gifts in guests' hotel rooms; and collect gift envelopes brought to the reception. They'll also have to assist as hostesses, show guests where to sit, direct them to restrooms, tell them where to put presents, invite them to sign the guest book, and generally be helpful.

Bridesmaids make great therapists. Throughout the process, bridesmaids will continue to be trusted friends and good listeners. So they'll be there to keep you laughing which, for any stressed-out bride, can be as effective as venting. In most cases, your therapy will require lots of tissues, hugging, and hair smoothing.

Bridesmaids also make great bride-sitters. It will be your maids' job to make sure that you take a moment to eat something, drink something, rest, sit, and all of that other stuff your mom would normally tell you to do. They'll also help you get in and out of your wedding attire -- a huge help when you’re dealing with multiple pounds of dress.

There will be a lot of money involved. For starters, your maids will have to pay for their own ensembles -- from the dress to the shoes to the jewelry. They'll pony up for the shower and the bachelorette party, wedding weekend accommodations, and gifts. All in all, their pocketbooks will take a beating. So remember to be nice to them in return.

What Bridesmaids Expect From the Bride
It’s not all take-take-take. JFK forgive us, but ask not what your bridesmaids can do for you, but what you can do for your bridesmaids. They need you to be compassionate. They're not ladies-in-waiting, so before you turn into one of those "let them eat cake" brides, remember that these girls have feelings, and lives, too. Think about tasks that are reasonable, and those that are just mean. A short meeting over coffee to discuss the upcoming events is reasonable. A 3:00 a.m. envelope-licking session would be considered cruel.


They expect the bride to be considerate of their finances. Is one a student, another independently wealthy? Base things on the lowest common denominator, so none of your maids is struggling to keep up with all the wedding prep.

They want the bride to communicate. Some brides send out a newsletter detailing all of the to-dos and other essential information. This way, everyone is privy to everyone else’s duties, and no one will feel as though she’s being targeted.


They want -- ahem -- a thoughtful gift. Put a lot of effort into a nice present for each of your bridesmaids. Nice doesn’t have to mean expensive -- the gift should be personal and meaningful, and should show how much you appreciate her work and friendship.

They want you to have fun. They know how important this time of your life is and will bend over backward to make sure you’re completely happy with everything. Gee -- isn’t that why you chose them in the first place?

Bridesmaids: The Bridesmaid’s Bill of Rights

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-You have the right to freedom of speech -- sort of: If asked by the bride whether you like something, you may respond honestly. If not asked, you must forever hold your peace.

-You have the power to act with the bride’s best interests in mind. If a troubling situation arises, you have the authority to direct the photographer, bounce rowdy guests, or ask the DJ to cease playing "Macarena."

-You have the right to weigh in on your wedding dress 2012. You also have the right to hope with all your heart that the bride chooses one that you find less than terrifying. However, in the event your dream does not come true, you have no right to complain for a single second.

-You have the right to veto cruel and unusual underwear: a Wonderbra that gives you porn-star cleavage, Spanx that cut off your circulation, panty hose the color of a bad sunburn.

-You shall not be forced by the bride(gowns for debut) to permanently alter your appearance for the sake of looking good in the wedding pictures. This includes, but is not limited to, dyeing your hair, removing tattoos, or getting a nose job.

-You have the right to call it quits on assemble-400-DIY-favors duty, but only after putting in enough hours to make your glue-gun-hand hurt. Don’t forget, the bride needs your help (and she also considers these things "fun").

-You have the right to keep your other job, your other friends, and, yes, your other interests while undergoing your tour of duty. While your loving bride may occasionally forget this important fact, you will remind her nicely.

-You are relieved from your duties after the bride and groom head out on the honeymoon. If you want to do more, you can. But technically, you’re free at last!

Bride……………………………………………………………..X
Bridesmaid…………………………………………………….X

Bridesmaids Gone Wild

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When a bride picks her bridesmaids, she turns to the friends and family members who have been there through good times and bad. Sometimes, though, the bridesmaids are actually responsible for the bad times. We asked brides on TheKnot.com to share their stories of bridesmaids behaving badly.

"I went wedding dress shopping with a couple of bridesmaids and had an 11 a.m. appointment at a bridal salon. One of my bridesmaids had been drinking at a christening before our appointment and showed up totally wasted. She was loud, slurring, and grabbing different wedding dresses off the racks. The sales people kept asking her to sit down, but she wouldn't listen. She finally said that she could tell that she wasn't wanted there and left. As she was driving out of the parking lot, she hit the sales person's car and drove away. They took down her tag number and called the police, who came to the scene and interviewed me as part of their investigation. My bridesmaid then called me that afternoon and screamed at me, accusing me of calling the cops on her. She did not recall hitting a car or behaving the way she did. Needless to say, she is no longer a bridesmaid."
"My bridesmaid called my husband the day before the wedding to inform him that she would be wearing the bridesmaid dress for the ceremony, but was going to change to a 'sexier' dress for the reception. My husband freaked."

"I was in a wedding where one of the other bridesmaids was asked to give the band a CD for the couple's first dance. Well, they played the wrong track -- same song, different version. The couple didn't even notice, but the bridesmaid was furious. She raged loudly against the band during the dance and yelled at the bandleader after. When I tried to calm her down by telling her that the couple didn't even notice, she yelled, 'But I did, and this is about me!'"

"My brother's fiance asked her older sister (who was five months pregnant) to be her matron of honor. However, the pregnant sister didn't like sharing the limelight with anyone -- even at her own sister's wedding! While we were taking pictures before the ceremony, the pregnant sister turned around to ask the groomsman standing behind her that 'if she fainted, would he be able to catch her?' Miraculously, not even two minutes later, the sister 'fainted.' Many people rushed to aid her as she sat in the chair, was fanned, and smiled at everyone."

"When I told my bridesmaid that the wedding date was in November, she said that was stupid and that I should have it in the summer. Then when I chose gold for the bridesmaid dresses she said she wouldn't wear it because it would make her skin look pasty. She went so far as to call all the other girls to convince them to tell me no!"

"All the bridesmaids gathered together to plan the bridal shower, and we were each throwing out ideas. For favors, I wanted to donate to a cancer association in honor of my grandparents. My maid of honor was so against the idea that she argued with everyone at the table until she began crying. It was ridiculous to say the least."

"My friend (I'll call her 'Sue') flew out to be in our wedding, and she and another one of my bridesmaids stayed at our apartment that weekend. We all went out with the other girls for the bachelorette party, but afterwards Sue had some other friends in town and wanted to see them, and the other bridesmaid tagged along. So I gave them my keys, told them to be careful, and went to bed. I woke up early and noticed they weren't back yet, so I sent Sue a text. No reply. By this time it was getting pretty late in the morning, and I was worried. Word spread and soon my whole family knew two of my bridesmaids were MIA! Finally, 12 hours since I last saw them, I got a text that read, 'I'm okay. Sorry.' It turns out Sue ditched my other bridesmaid for one of her guy friends, leaving her alone and without a phone -- she had been lost in the city and trying to get in contact with me all morning."

Bridesmaid Gifts: Shopping Tips & Etiquette

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A thoughtful gift should be both a wedding remembrance and a token of appreciation for your bridesmaids’ time and efforts. With our tips, you’ll be sure to select bridesmaids gifts with the proper care and attention such dear girls deserve.

When To Get Them
Shopping for bridesmaid gifts is one of those tasks that doesn’t have a specific timeline. Of course, it’s better to buy them sooner rather than later -- in general, aim for no later than one to two months prior to the wedding. (The last thing you want to do the week before your wedding is shop for presents -- save procrastinating for Christmas Eve).
In the months leading up to your celebration, keep an eye out for fabulous finds. You might encounter a great off-season sale, stumble across a hot item while compiling your registry, or find something cute when you’re tooling around, say, TheKnot.com. Pick it up and get it out of the way.

What To Spend
There are two things to consider when deciding what you should be shelling out for each maid: What amount will your budget allow? And what are they shelling out for you?
Sometimes the best gifts are those you can’t put in a box. If expenses for your bridal party are running a bit high, consider offering to pay for their wedding-day hair and makeup, for a suite upgrade at the hotel, or for their bridesmai dress.
The first question is obviously the most important -- to that we say spend what you can, remembering that it's really how thoughtful the gift is that counts.
But do ask yourself what you’ve been asking financially of your bridesmaids. If they will be required to shell out an enormous amount of money for things like a plane ticket, hotel room, $500 dress, and $100 pair of shoes (not to mention the bridal shower, your wedding and shower gifts, and more), then a $10 pair of chopsticks might seem a little ungracious. You’re certainly not expected to cover what they’ve spent, but you should be spending enough to say "I appreciate the time, effort, and money you’ve put into this wedding.(burgundy dresses)" Something between $75 and $150 should suffice.
Knot Note: The maid/matron of honor typically receives a bit more lavish gift than the other maids, since it’s normally her job to coordinate the shower and the bachelorette party. Consider spending a little extra on her for the extra mile that she goes for you. Also, don't forget about flower girls and junior bridesmaids (you can spend a little less on them).


When to Give
Bridesmaid gifts are often handed out at the rehearsal dinner, when your closest friends and family are together in one place. The idea is that you make a toast in front of everyone thanking your maids, and then present each of them with their gifts. However, many brides distribute gifts at a bridesmaid luncheon or tea on the day of the wedding(debut dress 2012) (or during a similarly private moment with the ladies) -- where you and your girls can have some downtime together in the midst of the wedding madness.
Knot Note: Some brides also give their shower hostess(es) a special thank-you gift (in addition to bridesmaid gifts). Some easy ideas: A handwritten note, dinner out on the town, or a bouquet of flowers.

What to Give
Before jumping in and deciding what to get, there are a few points that you should remember when you’re choosing your bridesmaid gifts.
What works for one person might not work for another and thankfully, you’re not stuck in a one-gift-fits-all situation. Don’t feel as though you have to get everyone the same present. Think about giving each bridesmaid a different gift, but all within the same price range. That way, each girl will know that you took the time to pick out something just for her.
Make sure your gift is timeless and multifunctional. While accessories to be worn for the wedding make lovely gifts, chances are that a jewelry set or a purse that matches your maid dresses won’t get much wear once the wedding is over. It’s okay to opt for something wedding-specific -- choose a gift that’s wearable, or package it with something useful, say wedding jewelry with a beautiful jewelry box or a nice jewelry cleaning machine.
Take the Would I Want It? test. Before picking up something that seems totally adorable, useful, or creative, stop to think if it’s something that you would like to receive. A monogrammed silver yo-yo is sort of cute in theory, but it will surely end up stashed in the back of a drawer for the next 40 years.

Interfaith Weddings: Dealing With the Family

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If you're engaged or married to someone of a different religion, your family may not even think twice about it (lucky you!). Or, they may be unpleasant, unsupportive, or downright negative. Their rejection can be very painful, but taking a proactive stance may make things easier on everyone. Here's how to smooth things out.

Show Affection, Not Rejection
Many parents view their child's choice of a partner of a different faith as a rejection of all they've taught. If your parents feel defensive, there's no way they'll want to hear why your guy is so great. Instead, tell them how much you love and value your own religion. Assure them that you're not turning your back on what they've taught you, and that your children will learn about their faith, too. If you convince them that you value their opinions and beliefs, they'll be more likely to respect yours.
Assure them that you're not turning your back on what they've taught you, and that your children will learn about their faith, too.

Give Your Folks the Floor
Let your parents voice their opinions and offer advice (even if only they consider it advice). Then ask them what conflicts arose during their own wedding(purple prom dress) planning and early marriage. How did their families react to news of their engagement? If they could do it again, what would they handle differently? What truths have they learned about marriage? Really listen to their concerns.
Talking to your parents accomplishes three things: you'll learn what their real fears are so you can address them; you'll gain ammunition to defuse future attacks; and you'll honor them by asking their opinion.

Accept a Little Disapproval
If your parents just don't, or won't, agree with you on some points -- guess what? They don't have to. They can harbor different beliefs or a different view of how you should act, and you can go about your business, aware of their disapproval but loving each other anyway.


Keep the Door Open
Keep your family in your life as much as possible. If your parents are giving you flack, don't give them the silent treatment. By keeping in contact, you have a better chance to maintain perspective and remember that this dispute is only part of your relationship. Accepting your family -- foibles and all -- is part of accepting yourself.
If your parents are shutting you out, keep your door unlocked. Go ahead and send a wedding invitation; they may very well show up. If you're already married, keep in touch. Even if it's only by phone, you're still leaving the door open.


Set Boundaries
Even if your parents' input feels too painful, you should try to keep them in your life -- within limits. If conflicts arise every time you get together, keep in touch via telephone, or control the discussion by asking for input on specific items and then changing the subject. If needed, let them know you'll stick around until you hear one word against your beloved. Remember that you can set the terms for family interaction.


Don't Expect the Worst
You may find your parents' gloom-and-doom predictions pleasantly upended as they see you becoming happier over the years.

Interfaith Weddings: 8 Planning Tips

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Planning an interfaith ceremony can be tricky. You'll likely face three major challenges: finding an officiant; combining two sets of traditions without upsetting your families too much; and creating a ceremony that reflects your commitment and your common values. If you have two different religions, these issues can take on the complexity of an international summit. How can you prevent a religious roadblock?

1. Have a Long Engagement

Take an entire year (or longer) to identify and work on reconciling issues likely to arise during your marriage. The issue of religion -- its role in your wedding, marriage, and future family -- should be examined very closely. Discuss the religious practices you would like to continue observing, especially when you have children. Nothing need be set in stone, but it's important to be open about your expectations for the future.

2. Gather Information

Take courses in each other's religions. Even if you don't intend to practice either religion at home, the study will give you a greater understanding of each other's beliefs and assumptions.

3. Go for Counseling

Consult clergy from each of your religions, preferably someone with training in family counseling, to help you two discuss the issues you face. You could also contact a family planning organization or therapist for objective pre-wedding counseling.

4. Be Patient With Parents

If the folks are having a hard time dealing with the religious differences, try to understand that they are mourning for their own unfulfilled expectations. 

Give them time to adjust to the idea, and try not to get defensive.

5. Visit Each Other's Family

Visit early, visit often. Interfaith marriage necessitates a partial "moving in" to another faith or culture. Spending time with each other's parents can be a good introductory course in what to expect.

6. Find the Right Officiant(s)

Choose an officiant (or two) who makes both of you feel comfortable and who believes in your union. Ask around -- chances are that other interfaith couples in your area have already searched for (and found) local officiants willing to perform interfaith marriages.

7. Include Both Faiths -- And Both Families

Early in the process, listen to both families' views and expectations for your wedding(mother of the bride) day. You and your sweetie should then decide how to proceed -- and lovingly (or at least nicely) discuss your choices with your families. Be open and honest with everyone from the start, so they know what you're planning and why. Many couples create a wedding program that includes explanations and transliterations of specific religious customs, so family and friends can understand and participate in unfamiliar traditions.

8. Personalize Your Ceremony

Take great care in planning the ceremony. Some interfaith couples choose to follow tradition closely, while others stray from convention. Your officiant(s) can help you design a ceremony that works for you. Work together to select readings and rituals that are significant to both of you. This tough-but-worthwhile process will do much more than solidify wedding(grey prom dresses)-day plans -- you'll get a head start learning to compromise, the golden rule of marriage.

Ceremony: Protestant Wedding Rituals

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Hollywood has given most people a glimpse of what goes on at a Protestant wedding -- Christian ceremonies are typically what you see on screen. But Protestant weddings vary depending on denomination: Lutheran, Episcopal, Methodist, Baptist, and Presbyterian to name a few. The Episcopalian Book of Common Prayer provides the model for Protestant weddings, yet each church (and officiant) has its own take on music, sermons, unity candles, and audience participation. What we can provide you are the basics.

Welcoming
Protestant weddings(deep purple prom dresses 2012) start with a traditional call to worship. For example, Episcopalian weddings(prom gowns outlet)begin, "We are gathered here today in the presence of God to join this man and this woman in holy marriage," which is almost identical to the Presbyterian opening, "We are gathered here today to witness the marriage of (bride's name) and (groom's name) in holy matrimony." After the welcoming, the officiant may read a few Bible passages followed by a short sermon of advice for the bride and groom.


Giving Away
If a "giving away" is part of the ceremony, the officiant will ask, "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?" The bride's father will step forward and state, "I do" or, "Her mother and I do." To make the phrase sound less possessive, the word gives is sometimes replaced with brings. In another variation, the officiant may ask both families if they support the marriage and give their blessing.

Vows
Here's the big moment: the vows. Traditional vows are, "I (groom's/bride's name), take you (bride's/groom's name), to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part." Wording choices may vary between denominations, and some officiants will even let you write your own vows.


Exchange of Rings
The ring exchange is only a recent introduction to (in the past only the bride received a ring). The officiant will bless the rings before handing them to the bride and groom. As they place the bands on each others fingers, the couple may say, "This ring I give you in token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love," or, "With this ring I thee wed," or, "With this ring I wed you, and pledge my faithful love."


Unity Candles
After the vows and ring exchange, a unity candle may be lit by the bride and groom as a symbol of their marriage. Parents may also join in the fun (with fire) and light a candle to represent the combining of the couple's families. Not all congregations allow unity candles, so first check with your officiant.

Pronouncement
The officiant will conclude the ceremony with prayers and closing blessings. "The Lord's Prayer" may be sung by the congregation. Finally, the officiant will say: "I now pronounce you husband and wife. What God has joined together let no man put asunder." At this point the newlyweds smooch and everyone heads to the party.

Denomination Variations
If you're Methodist or Presbyterian, you'll probably follow the guidelines of your church's ceremony service book. If you're Lutheran, you'll perform the marriage yourselves -- the pastor represents the church and state only to attest that you have fulfilled your religious and legal obligations. If you're Unitarian, you'll work with your minister to create your ceremony. There's no set liturgy, which means plenty of creative input. If you're Baptist, your church will set the rules regarding marriage specifics. No matter what your denomination, talk to your officiant for details and discussion of your ideas.

Ceremony: Protestant Wedding Resources

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Planning a Protestant wedding? Check out these must-have resources:
Books
Two Become One: A Christian Wedding Planner (Tyndale House Publishers, 1999)

The Christian Wedding Planner by Ruth Muzzy and R. Kent Hughes (Tyndale House Publishers, 1991)

The Protestant Wedding Sourcebook: A Complete Guide for Developing Your Own Service by Sidney F. Batts (Westminster John Knox Press, 1993)

Christian Weddings: Resources to Make Your Ceremony Unique by Andy Langford (Abingdon Press, 1995)
Religious Organizations
Baptist: American Baptist Churches in the USA, P.O. Box 851, Valley Forge, PA 19482-0851 (800) ABC-3USA www.abc-usa.org

Christian Science: The First Church of Christ, Scientist, 175 Huntington Avenue, Boston, MA 02115-3187 (800) 775-2775 www.tfccs.com
Church of Christ: United Church of Christ, Office of Communication, 700 Prospect Avenue, Cleveland, Ohio 44115, (216) 736-2222 www.ucc.org

Congregational: National Assocation of Congregational Christian Churches, 8473 South Howell Avenue, P. O. Box 288, Oak Creek, WI 53154-0620 www.naccc.org

Episcopal: The Episcopal Church, Episcopal Church Center, 815 Second Avenue, New York, NY 10017 (212) 716-6000 www.ecusa.anglican.org

Lutheran: Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, 8765 W. Higgins Road, Chicago, IL 60631 (800) 638-3522 www.elca.org

Methodist: United Methodist Church www.umc.org

Methodist: African Methodist Episcopal Church www.ame-church.org

Pentecostal: United Pentecostal Church International www.upci.org

Presbyterian: The Presbyterian Church, 100 Witherspoon Street, Louisville, KY 40202, (800) 872-3283 www.pcusa.org

Presbyterian: Associate Reformed Presbyterian Center, 1 Cleveland Street, Suite 110, Greenville SC 29601-3696 (864) 232-8297 www.arpsynod.org

Engagement Issues: Diplomacy Primer

engagement

You've made your announcements. Now it's time for engagement quandary number one: How to use diplomacy with friends and relatives.

You've only just shared the news about your impending nuptials, and already everybody wants to know when the big date is, who your attendants are going to be, and whether you're serving chicken or beef. Here's how to deal.


Take a Deep Breath

Try to answer all inquiries with maximum coolness and your trademark sense of humor (one of the best tools for rebutting sticky questions without bruising egos). Keep in mind that the people who are drilling you with endless, even sometimes insulting questions -- Aren't you too young to get married? Won't this interfere with your promotion at work? When are you going to have kids? -- aren't trying to drive you nuts. They just want to be part of the excitement and help you avoid pitfalls.


Choose Your Battles

When your aunt assumes her dog walker will be invited to the wedding, simply say, "We're very sorry, but with the cost of the wedding we just can't invite everyone." Honesty is always the best policy. For bigger issues, like when your fiance's family expresses concern over splitting holidays, enlist your fiance. After all, you each know best how to manage your own crowd.


Be Fair with Friends

Our bet is that all of your friends, family, and coworkers are basking in the light of your love. Well, almost all of them. There will always be a few black sheep in the flock who, for one reason or another, just can't digest your good news. Friends may be jealous or feel like you're abandoning them and that they won't see you as often now (they're probably right). Try to clue in to their concerns and reassure them the best you can.


Let It Go

How to handle evil-wishers (like high-school enemies, your commitment-phobic squash partner, or that waiter from hell who's got a crush on you)? Just ignore them. Who cares what they think? They'll get over it.
-- The Knot

Engagement Issues: Dealing With Cold Feet

Engagement

Not sure you want to go through with the wedding? Is it pre-wedding jitters or a permanent problem? Our guide will help you figure it out.

Got cold feet? Are you experiencing a chilling fear as you realize that you're about to spend the rest of your life with the same person? Don't worry, it happens. Most of the time, this freak-out period just means you're suffering from a case of pre-wedding jitters. (And trust us: You're not alone! Lots of nervous to-be-weds unload on our message boards. Drop by to commiserate and ask advice any time.)

Sometimes, however, these symptoms signify a more serious problem -- and deserve immediate attention. Our guide will help you determine whether you should run right back into the arms of your fiance -- or start sprinting in the opposite direction.

Pre-Wedding Jitters: Reasons NOT to Call it Off

Feeling Un-Frisky?

Relax. This temporary lull in your sex life is not an indication that you're destined for a lifetime of bedroom boredom. Rather, it's probably a reaction to stress. (Let's face it -- fussing with florists, favors, flora dresses and first dance songs are not exactly aphrodisiacs.) It's totally natural and is no indication of the road ahead. Just you wait -- that honeymoon will heat things up again!

The Ex Factor

Your fiance's ex keeps coming up like a bad meal, and suddenly you're feeling threatened, like maybe he/she really still carries a torch. Don't do anything drastic. Share your feelings with your spouse-to-be in a non-confrontational way. Take a romantic weekend getaway to reconnect -- and prove your love for one another all over again.

Fed Up Forever?

Is she or he getting on your nerves? Do you suddenly have a low threshold for that messy desk, those unwashed dishes, or that loud sneezing? It's okay. The engagement period is not always happy camping -- pre-wedding stress can make you more irritable, impatient, and easily annoyed. If, out of the blue, his or her friends start bugging you and those habits are driving you berserk, take a deep breath. Recognize that you're extra moody -- and do your best to keep things in perspective.

Pre-Party Panic

Two weeks before the big bash, you find that you're panicked -- you're sweating, shaking, losing sleep, and not eating. While this is not healthy, it is normal. You're about to make a commitment for the rest of your life and you're staring that notion right in the eye. Try your best to relax and be healthy. Your nerves will eventually return to a normal state.


Pet Peeves

You love dogs, your sweetie hates 'em. How are you supposed to have the life you want without a furry friend to have and to hold? Or perhaps you're peeved that your to-be's cats (and litter box) need to be a part of your new home together. No matter what the issue, merging your lives is not always smooth sailing. These differences are usually not worth ending the engagement. Realize that compromises are necessary -- give a little and you'll find that you get a lot.

Permanent Problem: Reasons TO Call it Off

On a more serious note, there are relationship problems that lie beyond the world of pre-wedding nerves, peeves, and irritations. If you find yourself facing any of these issues, please do yourself a favor and take steps immediately -- confront the problem head on, consult with family or friends, and/or seek professional help (either individually or together). Prepare a plan of action. Postpone the wedding -- or call it off if the problem seems beyond repair.


Big Reasons to Seek Help or Call it Off:

Abuse: physical or emotional
Addiction: drugs, alcohol, or gambling
Serious family issues: parental disapproval or discordance
Sex: unpleasant or hurtful
Betrayal: cheating, stealing, or dishonesty
Religion: conflicting beliefs that cannot be resolved
Offspring: different plans for having children
Spending money: opposing attitudes/philosophy
Sexual orientation: your partner's preferences are different from what you were led to believe
-- Julie Komorn

Postwedding Festivities: How to Host a Wine-Tasting Party

postwedding

Break out the new wineglasses and pop the cork. Hosting a wine tasting party at home is easier than you think. Just see, swirl, sniff, and sip.

Our generation loves to drink wine. So much so that we now consume more wine (particularly red wine) than our parents. Crazy, right? Combine that with a flair for entertaining and you've got the perfect party: an at-home wine tasting. It requires practically no work at all—and gives you the chance to break out your fresh-from-the-registry wineglasses. Just choose the type of wine you want to explore, invite over six to eight friends, and follow this party plan.

Choose the Wine

To keep your tasting balanced yet fairly diverse, choose a variety of wine within a specific category. This will also prove to be educational, which is always fun (seriously) as you'll be able to sample several wines of the same caliber. If you want to do all white wines, focus on a particular country—say, Italy, Australia, or Chile. Or you can combine the country and grape and serve all French chardonnays or California merlots. Follow this formula to create a perfect selection:

The Formula

Choose a Color
Reds
White
Mix of Reds & Whites
Choose One Consistency Trait
The same country
The same grape
The Same Year
Knot Tasting Tip: Good wine does not always equal expensive wine. There are plenty of great wines under $15. Stick within a price range so that each wine you taste will have similar qualities. Then surprise the group with one that's expensive. See if your guests can figure out which one it is.

Plan the Menu

If you're hosting a formal party, it's best to serve food following the
official wine-tasting portion of the evening, as some foods may alter the wine's taste. If you're going casual cocktail style ( fora dress ), have lite bites out as everyone sips. We love a menu of simple store-bought finger foods and appetizers for this kind of party. Try these culinary combos:
The Formula
Salty Snacks
Spanish olives and almonds
Smoked Gouda, Brie and Chorizo
Mini white cheese pizzas
Sweet Endings
Brownies
Bittersweet Chocolate-dipped apricots
Sugar Cookies
Knot Tasting Tip: Put gourmet breadsticks in a simple drinking glass for a chic palate cleanser.

The Setup

Pour each guest a flight of wine. Depending on the number of bottles you have, a flight usually consists of four to six wines. If you have eight wines, you can do two flights. You'll want to use clear glass wineglasses (clear so you can examine the color of the wine), and line up the wine-filled glasses from light to dark. And, make sure your wines are warm or cool enough to taste.
Wine Temperature
White = 50 degrees (let a prechilled bottle sit out for 30 minutes)
Red = 65 degrees (just pop it in the fridge for 30 minutes)

Start the Tasting

Now for the fun part! The actual tasting can be broken down into four simple steps:
See: Check out the color of the wine and compare its color to the
others in your flight. Is it dark? Light? Translucent?
Swirl: Hold your glass by the stem and gently give it a swirl. This will allow the wine's aroma to open up.
Sniff: Put your nose into the glass and take a big sniff. Take note of what you smell: Toffee? Herbs? Cherry?
Sip: Take a reasonably sized gulp and hold it for just a bit, swishing it around to coat the inside of your mouth, then swallow. Do you taste more than you smell? Does the flavor change at all? How does it feel inside your mouth? Get a conversation going by asking everyone what they like or don't like about the wine. Once you're done, invite everyone to keep drinking their favorite!

Postwedding Festivities: 5 After-Party Ideas

flora dress

A friendly word of caution: Even though you're a pair of event-planning pros by now, try to leave the major details of the after-party party to your maid of honor and best man. You've got enough on your hands, and having fun 'til the fat lady sings should be priority number one. If you're feeling creative, choose from a variety of theme bashes to keep the buzz going strong. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

BYOAB

Translation: "Bring Your Own Airplane Bottles." Invite your friends to crash their mini-bars at your expense. Stash the bathtub of your bridal suite ( your flora dress )with ice and sodas from down the hall, and enjoy that cable television and souped-up Jacuzzi. When you're ready to be alone, know that you reserve the right to kick everyone out at any time.

Sing-a-Thon

Sing your hearts out at your local karaoke joint or swanky piano bar. There's nothing wrong with a little healthy competition between the guys and dolls: Compete for best ensemble act with classic battle-of-the-sexes ditties like "You're The One That I Want" from Grease, and Meatloaf's "Paradise by the Dashboard Light."

Rock-n-Bowl

Ditch your silk and stilettos for oh-so-chic bowling shoes at your local bowling alley. You and your King Pin can score with a great night of after-hours bowling and booze, ensuring that there'll be little energy left to spare.

Big Spender

If you live within traveling distance of a casino, rent a limo or party bus and hit the slot machines. For those of you who prefer to stay close to home, hire a local entertainment company to set up shop in your hotel suite -- roulette and blackjack tables are easiest. Or just grab some cigars, a few bowls of chips and pretzels, and play poker. Use Monopoly money...unless your friends prefer higher stakes.

In Da Club

If your friends are night owls, organize a local bar or club crawl. Spring for transportation (cabs, limo, or party bus), because no one should be driving to any of these activities if drinking is part of the picture. Dole out $10-$20 a person to cover first drinks or the cover charge. If possible, make reservations at every spot you plan to hit, or else call beforehand to confirm that they can accommodate your crowd.

Destination Weddings: What Goes in the Welcome Bag

destination wedding

Since you won't be able to greet all your guests personally upon arrival, a welcome bag (or basket) is a great way to touch base with them right away. Here are a few suggestions on what to include.

Key Contact Info

Tell your guests how to reach the people you've designated as go-to contacts (family members, wedding attendants, and/or your wedding planner). Include both their cell phone numbers (be sure to get ones that work locally, even if you have to rent) and the landline number for their hotel rooms. Don't include your contact info -- most people won't feel comfortable bothering you, and you'll have enough on your mind already.

A Welcome Letter

Tell your guests how happy you are that they've made the trip with a short and sweet note. For simplicity's sake, use your computer to type and print the letters, but sign each one in ink for a personal touch.

A Detailed Schedule

List all of the weekend's events, including any optional ones. Include the time, location, dress code, flora dress and any other important details for each. Be sure to mention any extra costs for activities such as tours, lessons, sports activities, and so on.

Map of the Area

Ask the hotel to give you a reliable one -- don't trust something you find on the Internet unless it's posted by an authority like the chamber of commerce or visitor's bureau.

Info on Local Transportation

Bus schedules and the phone numbers of local taxi companies and car services will help your guests get around when they're on their own.

List of Local Restaurants

Include restaurant descriptions, locations, phone numbers, and price info, along with a selection of menus from places that deliver.

Destination Weddings: Marrying in the Cayman Islands

destination wedding

Why Here?

Discerning couples who want more than a destination wedding in a box head to the Cayman Islands for the ultimate in hospitality and tropical romance. Whether you choose to marry at a smaller resort or a five-star hotel, this destination has the resources to cater to every couple's personal style, guest list size, and whim. Not to mention the backdrop is absolutely gorgeous. Think tranquil turquoise waters, and sugary white sandy beaches dotted with palm and pine trees.

What to Know?

All three islands are home to a wealth of reputable wedding vendors, from full-scale event planners to photographers, florists, and bakers, so there is little need to BYOV.

High season begins the week before Christmas and goes through April 16. Avoid hurricane season, which is May-November.

There is no live/outdoor music allowed on the island on Sunday, which means that if you are saying "I do" beneath a tent on the beach or poolside on a Saturday, your band or DJ must wrap it up by midnight.

The Cayman Islands is practically the safest destination in the Caribbean, which makes it a great destination for multigenerational families.

Highlights for Guests

What's nice about the Cayman Islands is that your guests have plenty of options should they have some downtime in between wedding events. Stingray City is just a 10-minute catamaran boat ride away, where adventure seekers can swim with tropical fish and snorkel among the reefs. At the Turtle Farm at Boatswain's Beach, kids and adults alike will marvel at hundreds of giant turtles and other creatures of the deep. For landlubbers -- and shoppers -- there is also historic Georgetown, where sparkling jewelry retailers abound.

Marriage Requirements

Residency Requirements: None

Necessary Documents: Non-residents need a marriage license, letter from authorized marriage officer, proof of citizenship and age, proof of marital status (legal divorce decree or death certificate, if applicable), Cayman Islands Immigration Department pink entry slips, and two witnesses

Island Plus: Your event planner or hotel can arrange for an officiant to come to you for all the paperwork, and then he or she can go to the courthouse to get everything certified, so you'll be free to tend to any last-minute details.

Best Places to Get Married in Grand Cayman

The Ritz-Carlton, Grand Cayman Recently opened in December 2005, the Ritz has brought five-star luxury to the Cayman Islands. Poised on the famous Seven Mile Beach, ceremonies and receptions can be set up on the Great Lawn, by the sea on the hotel's private beach, or in a the 9,000-square-foot Cayman Islands Royal Ballroom. The Ritz is staffed with an in-house team of four floral designers,( flora dresses) as well as a pastry chef to create your wedding's requisite bouquets and confections. What's more, Silver Rain, a La Prairie Spa at The Ritz-Carlton, has a menu of indulgent spa treatments that not only celebrate the energies of water, but are guaranteed to wash away any last traces of prewedding stress or jitters.


Wedding Packages: $3,400-$20,000


For more info: RitzCarlton.com

Hyatt Regency Grand Cayman Also on Seven Mile Beach, the Hyatt Regency is ready to host your wedding on its rooftop sun terrace, boasting panoramic views of the island. You can also marry here toes-in-the-sand or on the Turtle Pool Deck, which is perfect for smaller groups. Both the terrace and pool deck are lined with whitewashed British Colonial columns, providing a gorgeous contrasting backdrop against the clear blue sea. From a tropical buffet to a four-course, sit-down dinner, the catering staff can accommodate up to 200 of your closest friends and family.


Wedding Packages: $1,350 - $2,700


For more info: GrandCayman.Hyatt.com

Grand Old House If you love the beach, but also want a little formality infused into your day, this plantation-style site will do the trick. Perfect for indoor or outdoor weddings, the Grand Old House features a seaside gazebo (perfect for oceanfront vows or your own private sweetheart table), plus enough space to seat 150 in its air-conditioned, elegant dining rooms and on its quaint screened porch; or 130 on the site's Water's Edge patio. For rehearsal dinners, the Wine Room comfortably seats a party of 10 against a backdrop of wall-to-wall wooden wine cellar racks


Wedding Packages: $590-$2,500


For more info: GrandOldHouse.com

The Great House at Pedro St. James The Grand Cayman's national historic site is also a gorgeous place to wed. Situated on seven landscaped acres on the water, the Great House is a restored three-story eighteenth-century house with stunning mahogany verandas that your guests can stroll through as your tented reception takes place below. This picture-perfect setting can accommodate up to 800 for an over-the-top affair complete with a fireworks finale.


Wedding Packages: upon request


For more info: PedroStJames.ky

Rum Point Home to the best mudslides on the island (think signature drink), Rum Point is situated on the opposite side of the island's Seven Mile Beach. This spot has a casual beachside bar and grill (great for a laid-back rehearsal lunch or reception), an adjacent resort to accommodate your guests, and a convenient whitewashed pier that juts out into the crystal-blue sea for a vow exchange directly over the water.

Wedding Packages: upon request


For more info: GrandCayman.Hyatt.com

The Reef Resort Whether you want to sneak away a deux for the most private of nuptials, or arrive with your entire family in tow, The Reef can accommodate up to 120 people. This all-beachfront-suit property is a stress-free destination courtesy of in-room whirlpool tubs, four-post king-size beds, private balconies, and its own beach bar. Ceremonies can take place on the dock, while the party begins on the beach or in the resort's air-conditioned restaurant overlooking the sea. Bonus: This site only hosts one wedding per day, so you are guaranteed the staff's undivided attention.

Wedding Packages: $1,995-$5,095


For more info: TheReef.com

The Westin Casuarina Resort & Spa For luxurious amenities combined with a laid-back vibe, look no further than the Westin. This four-star hotel has everything you need to put together a formal wedding (the beachfront Governor's Ballroom, a preferred vendors list, and a deluxe banquet menu and wine list), plus the means to make you -- and your guests -- feel like you are truly on a tropical island (think swim-up pool bar, full-service spa, and oceanfront dining options specializing in lip-smacking Caribbean fare).

Wedding Packages: upon request


For more info: WestinCasuarina.com

Reform Jewish Wedding Program

Religious elements or traditions can enrich a wedding ceremony, but determining what to include in the program to reflect your beliefs as a couple can be difficult. We've gathered sample programs from several religions to get you started. Use them as a guide and add your own spin to make your wedding day a truly personal affair.

Front Cover

Wedding of Bride's Name and Groom's Name

Jewish Wedding Program

Date
Temple Name
City, State

Inside Page 1

The Wedding Processional
Rabbi

Cantor
Name         Bride's grandmother
Name         Bride's grandfather
Name         Groom's grandmother
Name         Groom's grandfather

Bridesmaids 
Name         Relation to the Bride
Name         Relation to the Bride
Name         Relation to the Bride
Name         Relation to the Bride
Name         Relation to the Bride

Woman of Honor
Name         Relation to the Bride

Groomsmen 
Name         Relation to the Groom
Name         Relation to the Groom
Name         Relation to the Groom
Name         Relation to the Groom
Name         Relation to the Groom

Best Man 
Name         Relation to the Groom

Groom's Name will walk to the huppah with his parents, Father's Name and Mother's Name
Bride's Name will walk to the huppah with her parents, Father's Name and Mother's Name
Optional Jewish Reform Ceremony Explanation
Inside Page 2-3

Wedding Ceremony 

A Jewish wedding is not merely between two individuals, or their families and circle of friends; it is a cause of celebration for the entire Jewish people. A wedding is not just about two people finding happiness; it's more about the potential of this couple to make the world a better place by the virtue of being together as one.

It is a Jewish belief that when two people who are destined for each other get married, they complete one another.

The marriage of Bride's Name and Groom's Name was blessed at Temple Name on Date in a ceremony called aufruf during which Bride's Name and Groom's Name were called to the bimah and given honors before the Torah.

Prior to the ceremony, the civil marriage license was witnessed and signed by Witness' Name and Witness' Name. The ketubah (Jewish marriage document) was witnessed and signed by Witness' Name and Witness' Name. The ketubah was traditionally a revolutionary concept, protecting the bride's rights and obligating the husband to look out for her welfare. Today, the ketubah reflects the equality of bride and groom and reflects their mutual obligations to each other.

The wedding takes place under the huppah, symbolic of the home Bride's Name and Groom's Name will build together. The huppah has no walls; the marriage begins with just a roof, and Bride's Name and Groom's Name will build the walls with love and friendship, based on a foundation of respect and trust. The huppah is open on all sides so that family and friends will always feel welcome.

A blessing of krikat erusin, or betrothal, is recited over the wine, followed by another in praise of God, who brought Bride's Name and Groom's Name together. Bride's Name and Groom's Name drink from the same cup of wine to represent the life that they will share from this day forth.

Next comes the giving and accepting of rings ( flora gown ). Jewish custom requires that wedding bands be made of a single piece of metal with no adornments breaking the circle, representing the wholeness achieved through marriage and the hope for an unbroken union. Groom's Name will place the ring on Bride's Name's right index finger to represent that marriage is an act of law, saying, “Behold, you are set apart for me with this ring according to the laws of Moses and Israel.” After reciting his vow, he will transfer the ring to its permanent place on her left ring finger to represent that the marriage is an act of love. The bride does the same to the groom. The ketubah is then read and presented to Bride's Name. After the chanting of the seven marriage blessings -- shva b'rachot -- the couple drinks from a second cup of wine.

At the conclusion of the ceremony, Groom's Name will step on a glass and break it. This ancient practice has many interpretations. One of the most traditional is that it reminds us of the destruction of the holy temple in Jerusalem and the many losses that have been suffered by the Jewish people. Another explanation is that love, like glass, is very fragile and must be protected because, once broken, it is hard to put back together again. A more contemporary interpretation is that the sound travels through time and space to share their joy with all who have loved them, both those who are separated by distance and those separated by time. Immediately following the ceremony, Bride's Name and Groom's Name will leave the huppah and spend their first few minutes as husband and wife alone together in a private place. This is called yichud, or seclusion.

-- Special thanks to Rabbi Paul Swerdlow, Northport, New York